you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
