Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
