If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
