To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
