Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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