You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
