I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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