yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
