i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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