I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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