look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
