Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
