I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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