He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
