3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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