I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
