all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
