wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
