I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
