oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
