now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
