You were right. It hurts to walk today.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
