enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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