He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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