You're my little dorito
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
