You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
