I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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