Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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