i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
