we're blogging at a bar
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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