but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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