are you still at the devil's house?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
