would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
