ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
