I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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