Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
