1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
