Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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