Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
