Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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