I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
