There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
