Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I had to cum in my sink.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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