so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
