She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
