Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
