I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
