Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
