I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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