I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
