I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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