It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
